As Prevention Educators, we have the opportunity to talk with many students. Here are some of the more common questions that we get from some male Middle School and High School students during our presentations.
1. Q: Are there male crisis counselors that a boy or man can call if they are too embarrassed to talk with a female crisis counselor?
A: Yes. An organization called Men Overcoming Sexual Assault (MOSA) has a crisis line staffed by male counselors. They are available between the hours of 7pm -10pm Monday through Friday. Their crisis line number is (510) 845-7273. Contact your local Rape Crisis Center for resources for males in your area.
2. Q:How many boys experience sexual violence?
A: 1 out of 6 boys experience some type of sexual violence before the age of 18.
3. Q: What percentage of males are raped?
A: Somewhere around 8-10%. Some males feel so humiliated and shameful after being raped that they don’t report it to the police or even tell a friend. Being raped is in no way their fault.
4. Q: Are the men who rape other men usually gay?
A: No. Many are heterosexual and have wives or girlfriends. Rape is really about having power and control over another person, not about sexual attraction.
5. Q: What kind of feelings do males have after they are raped or sexually assaulted?
A: Feelings vary from fear to anger to a loss of control in their lives. Some males feel guilty and think they should have done something to prevent the assault.
6. Q: What should a person do after they have been raped?
A: Seek medical attention and call the local Rape Crisis Center for an Advocate. Have a test to check for sexually transmitted diseases. Also, have a rape exam if they are going to prosecute the assailant. Never take a bath or shower after an assault or rape. You don’t want to wash away the evidence, even if your first instinct is to clean yourself up as soon as possible.
7. Q: Why do males commit rape?
A: Some males use sexuality as a way to prove their masculinity. They seek to dominate, humiliate, and control their victims.
8. Q: If a girl says no when a guy puts a move on her, how does the guy know if she really means no, or is just playing hard to get?
A: No always means No. Not maybe, or try again in 5 minutes. You have to respect the girl, and she only has to say no 1 time.
9. Q: Why do rapes happen so much in prison?
A: In prison, inmates have very little control over their lives. Rapists gain a sense of control by humiliating, dominating, and victimizing other inmates. Again, it is all about power and control.
10. Q: What if a guy is drunk when he assaults a female?
A: Intoxication never justifies the act of sexual assault. There are plenty of males doing prison time for sexually assaulting a female while drunk.
11. Q: I have heard a rumor that women secretly want to be raped?
A: No person wants to be forced to do something against their will.
12. Q: Are rapists mostly ugly guys that can’t get a girlfriend or wife?
A: No. 60% of rapists are married and are reported to have normal sex lives.
13. Q: Are rapes usually planned out or not?
A: 90% of group rapes and 60% of single assailant rapes are planned.
14. Q: What does a girl owe a guy if he pays for everything while they are on a date?
A: A girl owes a guy nothing. A sexual act of any kind is not a payback for an expensive dinner, or anything you pay for while on the date.
15. Q: Can a person call a crisis line number if they were sexually assaulted 5 years ago?
A: Yes. A person can call if he/she is presently being sexually assaulted, or even if the assault took place 5 or 10 years ago. Don’t think you can’t call because something happened to you a long time ago.
16. Q: What if you hear your friends joking about raping or assaulting a female?
A: Let your friends know that those kinds of jokes are not cool and are wrong, and they should really think about what they are joking about.
17. Q: What about guys who call each other gay in a joking manner?
A: It is wrong and should never be tolerated. What if a LBGT student overheard the joking? How would it make them feel? California Law AB 537 reads, “It is illegal to harass or discriminate against students based on real or perceived sexual orientation and gender identity.”
18. Q: Are male rape victims usually weak guys who can’t fight back or defend themselves?
A: No. Not always. Some male victims are targeted because they are big and strong. Some rapists like to prove their dominance, and might pick a strong person to victimize. In most cases though, rapists look for vulnerability or easy opportunity more than any physical characteristic.